


sometimes i feel like i’m drowning (baby teach me how to swim)

by pinball_mentality



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, I guess????, Kageyama Tobio-centric, Kageyama’s Middle School Trauma, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, POV Kageyama Tobio, Pre-Slash, but he does play a part in it yeah, he’s not like the focus of the fic, its depression, its not explicitly stated that it is depression but like, it’s still third person though, lowercase intended, minor spoilers for chapter 387, no beta we die like daichi, or like kageyama’s childhood lol, sorry kags, why is that not a tag, yeah i love him so now it’s time for his whumping session
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:41:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26297341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinball_mentality/pseuds/pinball_mentality
Summary: he is drowning, falling deeper and deeper into a pit of despair. a demise of his own making. it’s all his fault anyways, why should anyone care? he’s all alone. he’s always been alone.his phone rings.(kageyama can’t get out of bed in the morning. hinata helps, even if it’s unknowingly.)
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Kudos: 66





	sometimes i feel like i’m drowning (baby teach me how to swim)

**Author's Note:**

> mmmm yeah it’s like 12:30 midnight oops haha. anyways i love kageyama a lot and thus: the whumping session. why do i always hurt the characters i love??
> 
> anyways, enjoy!! :D

kageyama feels as though he is drowning. it is not a new feeling.

he is falling deep, deep, deeper down into the murky blackness. it's never ending. he can't move. he lies on his bed face-up and tries to remember how to breathe. the house is silent as he inhales a shuddering breath, staring unblinkingly at the ceiling. no one is home, as usual. it's just him. him and his thoughts and the never-ending darkness.

he can't move his arms. it's too much effort, what's even the point? he'll just end up suffocating again later anyways. it's not like anyone cares.

he feels like shit. maybe he _is_ shit. worthless. conceited. alone. the ball lands on an empty side of the court. the rest of his team— no, they're not his team, not really— stands across from him, a rift separating them. he made that rift, he is to blame for their failure. they don't trust him anymore, if they even did in the first place. he should have known, should have adapted to each of them, should have been better, better, _better_.

he is alone and he is useless and he is suffocating.

he lets these thoughts swarm him for a moment, dragging him even deeper down, before he closes his eyes and exhales. they don't go away, not completely, but they're more subtle, now. the ring of the ball hitting polished wood is quieter. the rift between him and the world isn't as vivid. he lets his eyes stay closed. there's not a point in getting up, is there? it's not like anyone is waiting for him. he should just let those thoughts flood him again, he deserves i—

his phone rings on the nightstand next to his bed and cracks through the silence like thunder. his eyes shoot open and his heart rate skyrockets momentarily out of surpise. he groans quietly and moves to see who's calling at this hour, fumbling with his phone before securing his hold on it. the screen flashes brightly at him— it's 4:23am and _boke tangerine_ iscalling him. oh.

hinata shouyo manages to drag kageyama tobio out of the darkness. he is the sun, shining light down upon him like the too-bright phone screen that's burning his eyes right now. he groans again but this time with a small smile on his face. his pulse doesn't quite settle back to the slow pace it had before but he ignores it, bringing the phone up to his ear.

"what's up, boke?" he manages to rasp an insult out despite the dryness of his throat. he rubs his eyes. he's been up for hours, unable to fall asleep, and it's come back to bite him. maybe he'll be able to rest a bit in english today. it's not like his grades could get much worse. _stupid, useless—_

 _"what's up?!"_ tobio has to pull the phone away from his ear a little. hinata is too bright and too loud for him right now. _"kageyama, you're usually here by now! we always have an hour before morning practice, or did you forget?!"_

"of course not," he scoffs. "i just... overslept." it wasn't really true, not completely. he hasn't slept at all. but apparently it's believable enough for hinata, who grumbles a bit before responding again. he can hear the faint thuds of a volleyball on the other end, and his hands twitch.

 _"well, get over here as quick as you can! i want to hit some of your tosses already, plus it's lonely all by myself!"_ he doesn't wait for a response, trusting that tobio heard him and will be there. the shrill beeping of a hang-up startles the phone away from kageyama's ear again.

he stares at the phone screen a bit— it's 4:29am on a tuesday and his battery is at 98%— before letting his arm fall to his side, bringing the device with it. it lands limply with a soft _thud_.

he sighs again. it's quiet. it's lonely. he's alone. the suffocating sensation gently prods at him again, ready to drag him back into its depths, to drown him. the phone screen shuts off, having timed out. the room falls back into darkness. he takes a second to himself, replays the conversation in his head.

hinata's voice was so bright. he wanted that brightness, too. he wanted... he wanted to be around hinata. he wanted to be with him, to play volleyball with him, to talk to him. he wants to stay with hinata.

kageyama tobio shoves off the covers and gets out of bed slowly. the darkness isn't completely gone. not yet. it's still there, still lingering. it follows him constantly, like the scent of candles burning around a picture of an old man with kind eyes and a kinder smile, like the dryness of his eyes and the numbness that ~~fills~~ filled him. like the sound of a volleyball hitting open court. like the sight of everyone walking away from him, again.

his foot stills.

it steps onto the ground again. his other one is close behind. oh, yeah. that's right.

hinata shouyo is there to drive it away. he is the light permeating the shadows choking him, he is the reason they release their hold on him like they are now. hinata is the reason kageyama can get out of bed this morning. he's not sure why his chest is squeezing in such a pleasant manner, or why he wants to be around shouyo so much, but he does.

and kageyama's always been one to follow his instincts.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah haha im a sucker for kagehina. also why are we not talking about chapter 387 more?? it was a literal BOMBSHELL. i feel like kags has depression, at least to some extent. i had that hc before 387 but that just brought it out even more.
> 
> i don’t have and have never had depression, only anxiety, so this may be a bit inaccurate. but feel free to point out any mistakes!! both about depression and spelling/grammar, haha.
> 
> anywho: feel free to leave a comment and some kudos!! they give me that sweet, sweet serotonin. :)


End file.
